As readers of my wit might have gleaned I've lived my whole life at some minimum number of friendships. Just enough of them unless someone I depend on gets busy. Never had I a surfeit. So I was interested today when the Washington Post published an article about "tips for connecting" for those who are "in need of more friends".
[https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2021/12/10/how-to-combat-loneliness-move/]
The only problem with the article is that it offers no tips for connecting or making more friends.
For example, the article quotes an expert who says "you need to take the initiative. 'You almost have to put the bat signal out there, so then people can respond,' said [Adam Smiley] Poswolsky. He acknowledges how hard it can be but suggests asking yourself what's the worst thing that could happen. While being ignored or rejected is never fun, 'a little bit of rejection is part of being an adult.'" I think only someone named Smiley could say this with a straight face.
That's just silly advice.
Besides not giving any hint about how to "put the bat signal out there" -- what is he even talking about? -- the "worst thing that could happen" is nothing. No new friendship, no interaction. Not rejection, which implies an unsuccessful interaction, but nothing. Nothing is also the most likely to happen. AND the most discouraging potential outcome.
Think about that iceberg 110 years ago. It reached out and made contact. The result was not a friendship but a sunk skip (no puns here) but there was interaction for that one iceberg. For all the other icebergs, every one of which (by definition) broke off the shelf and went out to seek contact, there was nothing. No friendship, no contact, no historical footnote. The pattern continued for decades until advances in radar engineering allowed for negative interaction or, to reverse the point of view, active avoidance.
Last Thursday my grocer seemed to hint that people other than himself might engage in active avoidance of me. He himself claimed to find a lot below the surface and so upon reflection I assume he equates me with the iceberg rather than the Titanic.
Good enough. The iceberg survived the night. The Titanic didn't.