Earlier this evening I decided that I would enjoy going out to eat for supper, providing that I didn't have to leave the house. So I made my own supper. It's amazing how such a minor proviso can have a profound effect.
A bit later I was looking forward to Sunday worship, but I realized I would be more comfortable heading out to church right away instead of waiting out the evening, going to bed, waking, getting up, preparing breakfast, showering, walking the dog, and setting off at the correct time to get to church tomorrow morning.
I suppose this could all point to incipient agoraphobia, but I think it is more a matter of disharmony. Or perhaps arhythmicity, which is really the same thing at a different frequency. In any case, it seems as though the world at large is moving in its wonted cycles (driven only in part by orbital effects) while I myself, body and mind, is moving at a variety of uncoordinated rates.
That I find myself uncoordinated will be no surprise to many of those who have known me. But I return to the examples. It is quite sensible to suppose there is a time, a right time, to stay at home and a right time to go out; right in terms of the needs of my body and psyche and how those can be matched to what my community is offering. If my body and psyche are themselves in conflict, or worse if my mind and psyche are arguing against itself, then my attempts to synchronize my life with the rhythms of the community turn hopeless.
In the case of the rhythm which has been beating quite steadily for around 2,000 years, and several times that long if you include the Hebrew precedent, the failure to synchronize my rhythm of life must be found somewhere internally to my living of it. The problem in no way results from any external arhythmicity.
We might ask whether in actual reality there is a problem at all. The fact that I perceive this mismatching as a problem doesn't mean that it really is one. Perhaps -- oh, triteness alert here -- perhaps it is not a problem but an opportunity. Seriously, those mixed desires for restaurant food and staying home was an opportunity to prepare a meal with greater thought. The mistimed eagerness to go to church could have been an opportunity to prepare myself in the evening for worship in the morning.
What I actually did this evening was write this little reflection. Not a bad play in the game, I think, but having played it I would like to make a better play next time.